dilemma#2. awakening

a new chapter of life had begun.. i found myself living the dream i had envisioned myself in. college! delhi university. i was going bonkers trying to make the transition from a schoolkid to a happening college goer! and what follows with it- makeovers- of both- self and wardrobe. handbags and shoes preoccupied my time and my mum my companion for the same. dreamy isn’t it. yes, because i failed to take cognizance of the raison d e’tre  of my presence there.

while i effortlessly managed to get the ‘miss in vogue’ attention but try as much as i did i had not made a successful transition in my attitude towards life. the realization of this purposelessness came as a rude shock after a poor academic score at the end of my college first year. perhaps i got to eat the sweet fruit without having to work towards it and hence didn’t realize the importance of the coveted seat i occupied. life had come full circle and my college happiness so far seemed an ephemeral mirage. more than my parents, more than my dear uncle and aunt’s dis approvals, more than any college mentor’s remarks – my inner self was wounded afresh with the plunged self confidence. i was crying again. as serves right to one escapist. i had lost faith in my ability to carry on any further in this new subject that i had ‘blundered’ to pursue. to the extent that i seriously considered switching to another ‘easier’ subject to get rid of economics once and for all.

reminiscing my escapism i exclaim at my irresoluteness. i wonder where i’d be today had my mum not shown me the mirror at face value! the reflection i saw couldn’t cut any bit over a sorry figure. that moment was momentous. thereon i knew it was time for me to anchor my adrift life boat. at this time i took up running- as a resort to take out my agony on the road. soon i became an avid runner and found peace in it.

persistence found me or i discovered it. i was cautious and deep inside worried if my efforts would bare fruit. indeed they did! i scored a massive improvement at the end of my second year of college- i had gone from a 53% to 67% and i was elated with the feeling.

in the final year of college my parents had shifted out of town- away from home away from my pillars of support i found myself in a hostel. this was the place i rediscovered myself again. my perspective towards many a things changed. i really missed my parents. this was the time i realized the worth of the values they’d raised me with. i became a better person. nevertheless i doubted my academic credentials still. this was my final year at college- the last chance to prove myself.

awesome times were spent at the place- each moment most memorable. gem of friends and hostel fun and parties. all only worked in favor of my resolve to deliver an encore of my last year’s performance. i tried being confident of my ability, but deep inside uncertainty troubled me. i wrote each exam with devout sincerity. later i would engage myself in calculating the odds of a good score to pacify myself. all of this attained gigantic heights before result time.

the judgement time approached us and my parents were back in town. what i saw in my score card brought tears of joy in my parents’ eyes. i had scored a whopping 70% !!

with a performance so impressive i had undone the blot of the 1st year but the lesson that the year tought me- due to which i saved myself- is precious. it stands testimony to the adage- everything happens for the best. i have regained my lost self confidence. i am convinced that ‘I can’ as long as i never give up!